why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
