Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
