Just fell off a train. Bad.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize