Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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