I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
