I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
