I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
