Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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