tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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