Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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