If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize