if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
