Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
