Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize