dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
