The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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