my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
