Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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