Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
