I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
