Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
