I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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