Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
