Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
