Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
