I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
