she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
