help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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