Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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