You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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