What a fucking waste of an outfit
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
