Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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