I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
