True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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