Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
