I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
