I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
