hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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