Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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