btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What a dumb baby whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize