Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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