its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
