If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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