Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
