his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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