Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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