Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
