left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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