i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
