She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
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some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
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I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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