1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
