I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
