I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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