Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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