Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
