put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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