If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
