Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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