Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
