peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Found the puke drawer
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
