If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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