we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
