I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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