every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
