I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
