My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
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We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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