i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
