Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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