Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
