I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
