don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
