RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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