Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
