Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
