had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
