just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
