I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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