smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Come share oat with me in your robe
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
