Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
