marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
