Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
