you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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