You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
