tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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