Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
