We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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