Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
