girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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