he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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